A Better Me For a Better We

The only way your family succeeds is when you change first. The question you have to ask yourself is, “Am I willing to be a better me for a better we?”

Parenting is not what I had imagined. Don’t get me wrong, I adore my children, but why is it that everything takes 10 times the energy it is supposed to — or at least 10 times what I think it should?

And what happened between my wife and me? The passionate flame that Monica and I share was often just a flicker, and the majority of our conversations revolved around the kids and what was wrong at home.

I use the term “conversations” loosely. I wasn’t collaborating with Monica, I was dictating to her. I figured that since she was the main caregiver and a stay-at-home mom, whatever wasn’t working from home was her responsibility and was probably a consequence of what she wasn’t doing right.

I buried myself in work — I had some semblance of control there — and I parented the way I ran my business. I was a manager expecting results. I wanted my family to take responsibility and do their jobs, because I was doing what I thought was my only job: providing.

We were imperfect parents running an imperfect family and we were leading it into the ground. And I was at the helm.

My family didn’t need to change. I did.

A Better Me For a Better We

I realized that a willingness to look deep inside yourself is the key to having a successful marriage and a successful family.

It’s not easy, but you have to ask yourself the difficult questions. Am I the person I want to be? Am I the parent/spouse/partner I want to be? Am I the example that I want to be setting for my children and family? What am I willing to do and how far am I willing to go for the betterment of my family? What is it that I really want for my family?


Ready to become your biggest critic and start on your path to achieving purpose, not perfection? Download these Discussion Guides, handy lists you can print out and reflect on — alone or with your family.

Author: Dale W. Vernon
Dale, a business and investment advisor and professed imperfect father of three children, is co-author of How Imperfect Parents Lead Great Families. He is a frequent speaker about the importance of establishing family values, creating a culture of communication in your home and being an intentional parent that understands the importance of being the best example you can for your children.
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